Lesbian-is-in

I'm not throwing them a bone to get on side, besides lesbians don't like bones. But, I have toyed with the idea of lezzing it and some of my mates get asked if they are too. But I tell you why, If you're a female into solidarity and telling the truth, an old stigma gets attached. Are you a lesbian? You must be if you are like, honest about masterbating and can DJ.

I admit, I'm slightly scared of them and the only female to ever approach me looked like a contender from Bullseye. But, I get worried about giving the wrong impression. I always think, shit, does she fancy me? and she is fit.

Last weekend I had a run in with about 400 of them, at a special night just for gays. I stood in the toilet Que and experienced something rather amazing. No weird looks, the ones that think you can't see them, starring, that make me question my clothes and face. Instead, everyone was openly being nice. I thought, It's fucking working. I wanted to be one.

I was chatted up, I think I was flirting? I even got asked if I was straight. At the end of the night the coat Que was quick, because even lesbians are on it, one ticket after the other. No words I can use to describe a bad night. (apart from the lack of straight men)

However, being too 'on it' can actually make it harder for women and men. It gives the impression that you're fucking irrational and not funny. A common misconception is that men have to be told what to do by women, but it's women being too 'on it' and men being lazy or shit scared to change it. I can guarantee that someone's said to you, women can multitask better than men. FUCK OFFFFFF. If females concentrated on being funny instead of 'on it' we could get out of this stupid notion. Granted women are distracted by more stupid stuff than men, with things like; change your face and be mean to get what you want, because your worth it. My buddy's and I, we look great because we're happy being us, we don't need to change face. Those distractions are the cause of being too 'on it' and it's not just women, look at Gordan Ramsey the Nightmare kitchen, he's well 'on it'.

Lesbian-is-in because it gives a nod to solidarity, the sort I experienced last weekend. But it shouldn't have to be a massive fanny fest? It was just nice to chat to women and not feel judged. Lesbians are also too closely knitted with feminist, and if you mention the F word around some people they think you're a Lez.

A few weeks ago my best mate had a party and it left a bad taste in my mouth. It all started when I asked a chump being well 'onit' on his laptop for a song. He kept asking what I was going to play. I put on Down in Mexico the Death proof version. It went down a treat. He refused to let me play another and had this smug grin all over his stupid face. He said 'my friend lives here and told me to DJ'. I replied 'That's nice, I just want a song or two. This is a house party, right? and coincidentally, my friend lives here too. Why so hostile?' His buddy's ears must have pricked up, he turned around and said 'boy's are better than girls' Then they both just stood there. Gobsmacked. I walked off. Thinking, am I twelve?

In keeping with the stereotypes, my friends buff brother went over. I felt like a snitch. Chump immediately apologised and changed his tune. I changed the record, but it felt weird and he kept his beady eye on me so I went upstairs where it was an open deck policy, everyone had a go and had fun. The twelve year old boy's came up and wanted to join in. I was well hostile, and they could not understand why? Try being more 'onit'?